Booty Call by Pamela Proudfoot

This is a poem written by my friend Pamela Proudfoot about a late night 'Booty Call.'  What could possibly go wrong? Find her on twitter @Pammy1982.

From her boyfriend, poor Lizy had gotten the shove,
And since had been longing and looking for love,
In pubs and clubs, she looked high and low,
But drunken aul bowsies, are all that would show.

She then tried online, like match.com,
But the weird names appeared in the field labelled 'from,'
The likes of 'Seamore Diddys' and 'Hugh G. Reckshon,'
Provided her only with a blushed complexion.

This did nothing, but stress poor Lizzy,
Who decided for love, that she was far too busy.
She was tanned and pretty and knew how to flaunt it,
And decided that a 'fumble' was all that she wanted.

Lizzy seemed doomed, in to love, not to fall,
So decided to try her luck at an aul booty call.
Out came the dangerous book coloured red,
That listed all, who she thought, once bounced in her bed.

A fast flip through it, had given her a scare,
As leaf after leaf, most pages lay bare.
Now what the heck was she going to do?
How will she find someone to.........smooch!

At the back of a magazine, she spotted an ad,
At last she thought, she had found her lad.
The title said 'We know what they say about big feet....
But we'll always be professional and very discrete.'

So she picked up her phone with a glint in her eyes,
Texting her address, requesting a surprise.
As time had passed, she paced the floor,
Until, at last, came a knock on the door.

Opening it seductively, she posed by it's side.
But down to the floor, her eyes seem to slide.
There lay a box, covered in string, tightly tied,
Waiting for Lizzy to bring it inside.

Tearing it quickly, to view what was sealed.
Wondering curiously what was to be revealed.
All leather and shiny, they stood in cahoots,
As poor Lizzy realised, she'd just ordered boots.

She forfeit her mate and erred to choose,
A discrete home delivery of size 22's.
These boots were anything but snug and neat.
She now understood why the ad said 'discrete.'

As she bundled up the package she had just received,
She looked back at her plan, and felt really relieved,
The pressure had lifted, she was free like a dove,
And decided to try another turn at love.

She walked to the post office, with package and all,
Chuckling at her boots, and no booty call!